Unpopular Opinion . . We Can't Actually Be Anything We Want
You know all the mantras, posters and memes telling us that we can do anything we want or be anything that we want to be. This is a topic I’ve recently had with women on more than one occasion, so here is my take on this.
Sorry, but I think it’s telling ourselves this or our children can be a disservice. I said this would be unpopular. . . . When I was growing up my mother told me this very thing.
Let me just say, it can be a huge burden! Maybe it was a generational thing. Maybe your mother told you the same thing. I think, in a way, my mother wanted to have the opportunities that were available to me that, perhaps, she did not have. Therefore, I was immersed in and had a constant vision of a superwoman in my head, who could have the great career, be the perfect wife and traditional family, keep the laundry clean, folded and put away, prepare a home cooked meal 5 days a week, and, of course, keep yourself put together all the while. It’s exhausting, right? Keeping all of those balls flying through the air without dropping, not getting a tear in your pantyhose and not counting on the toddler to tip over the freshly folded laundry. . .
It was much too late in my life when I finally learned that, yes, we can do and be many things, and meet many of our goals, and accomplish many of our dreams, but typically, just not all at the same time! (Why was this not shared with me?)
Here’s another thing. Back to being. We can all be a lot of things. We all have different gifts, talents, interests and passions. We can be the best at what we do and the best version of ourselves, but we can’t actually BE ANYTHING we might think we want to be.
I heard someone make a similar point recently on a podcast. She said that while she might really want to be Beyonce, it just wasn’t any way that could actually happen. I get it. There are some obstacles that no matter how dedicated we are, how ambitious we are, how much we strive and work toward that thing, it just isn’t in the cards for us.
I love music. I love to sing. I’d love to be in a choir. But I have absolutely no musical talent. Ask my boys. They don’t even want to sit by me in church. So, as much as I would love to carry a beautiful tune and sing, I definitely have a huge obstacle.
I do have gifts. Some have been God given from birth, and others I have accumulated along the way. (as happens in life).
I can be a great cheerleader and encourager. Contrary to what you may believe about me, I can keep a secret.
I can get up in the morning with a smile. I have learned the art of compartmentalization.
I can whip up a pretty tasty meal out of whatever is in the fridge.
I can be full on energy and get it done when needed.
I can paint a fun, colorful painting, be pretty crafty, and McGyver most anything,
However, give me long division and I’ll peel my face off. Also, I would be a terrible kindergarten teacher. I cannot speak French. I’m not a good planner and I can’t bowl forth a flip.
There are also things that I’d like to be or do, at some time you have to realize that those things just mightnot happen. For instance, I’d love to be an actress on a big stage, but at this point I would be beating my head against the wall. (not really so much, but don’t we all want that when we are young?)
I would love to have a great big family with lots of children, grandchildren, cousins, grandparents and more. However, my family is small.
Maybe there are some things that you would aspire to be or have, but you know deep down you don’t have the gifts, the opportunity, the timing, or maybe the season is not now, or God simply has something different for your life, so that some of these things will not be part of your journey.
Just as we all have different gift, we all have different backgrounds and experiences that go into making us who we are. We also all have different choices and journeys and they all look different. However, not being these things does not make us less than. It does not mean that we are not accomplishing what we are put here to do. And it definitely does not mean that the person who is doing the thing you think you want to do, is any better than you are. It does not take away anything from who you are and who you are meant to be or do or accomplish.
I believe we do ourselves and others a disservice when we blindly say, “you can be anyone you want to be.” I think that’s the wrong message for our children.
There is a better message.
We can say, “you can be the best you – the best version of you - that you want to be.”
Going back to the actress “dream”. During the time I would have thought I wanted to be that actress, the actress of “of my times” would likely have been Julia Roberts. I would have said I wanted to be Julia Roberts. But, let’s be real. I don’t have Julia’s mega watt smile, her long mane of hair, her height, her same drive and ambition that got her where she is today. I don’t have what Julia Roberts has that makes her Julia Roberts. I couldn’t be Julia Roberts.
Had I really wanted to be an actress and if I had the talent, the drive and the patience, then it would have been better for me to be told to forget comparing myself to Julia Roberts, or anyone else, and to work toward being the best actress I could be.
So, we can replace actress with so many things that can come our way during our lives.
There will be many different jobs, careers, opportunities, positions, and seasons as we go through life and make choices and take the paths toward doing and being. During each of our different roles, and versions of ourselves, we owe it to ourselves to do that one thing –
We can choose to be our best selves – at whatever role we are in our season.
That’s the best way to set ourselves, or whomever we are encouraging, up for success.
So, while we can’t all be Julia Roberts, Venus Williams, Margaret Thatcher, Taylor Swift or the first female president, (or whoever you would put in the blank), we can (and we can remind our daughters and children, or grandchildren) to focus on our own unique gifts and talents, our own special experiences, and focus on using those rather than comparing who we are and what we can become with someone we see on the stage, on social media, in our community, down the street, or with the “made up perfect” person in our head.
So, yes, dream big. Tell yourself and your children and your grandchildren to set great big fabulous goals, make a plan to reach them, make choices that send you down the path toward whatever it is that your own gifts and talents and hard work bring your way.
And while you are on that path, staying in your own lane, working on your own best version, then you can celebrate the big successes and the small ones, AND you can celebrate and congratulate someone else on theirs because yours and theirs are completely different, right?
You may be wondering how this ties back to the beginning. This is how. When I was a young woman, newlywed, new mother, early in my career, starting down all those different and fresh paths, making so many choices, I wish I had known to simply focus on my own lane. Focus on each little season as it came, and embrace the up and downs and in and outs of the different roles, the imperfections, the messiness, to have the knowledge and understanding that it was okay to order dinner in on a Thursday, to work late on a Monday, to forgo toddler baths for more time at the park, and also know that in the future there would be a new and different season to figure out, and that in whatever role I was in at the moment, I could be the best me at that role, using my gifts, my education, my own experiences, my intuition and it would be ok.
I didn’t have to worry about trying to live up to “being anything I wanted to be” as some unrealistic role model put in my head (because we just can’t be something we are not) that was not meant for me,OR being all of the things at the same time.
They say that with age comes wisdom. This is a little bit of wisdom that I wish had been given to me when I was younger.
We have the option to make the best choices to do and be the very best versions of who we are and who we are made to be.
Our choice.
That’s my pep talk for now. Does this make sense?
I’m wondering about our own thoughts. I’d love to know.
Thank you for being here! If this speaks to you or someone you know, please share 💚
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