Harmony Over Balance

Let’s Forget about Balance and Focus on Harmony

You know that question, “What would you tell your younger self?” This is about one of those.

I remember when I was a much younger woman I believed in the Superwoman - you know, those women who could have the career, the family, the cool workouts in the gym, the girlfriend time, all the while dressed immacuately and still able to get dinner on the table for the well behaved children who love the meal, offer insightful dinner conversation and then, of course, place their cleaned dinner plates in the sink each night.

I blame my mother for this dream and that Enjoli commercial.

Seriously, where do you fall on this dream or concept?

I have done the dance to have it all, and even have worked really hard to have it all at the same time. Working outside of the home, working inside of the home with children underfoot, working as a stay at home mom, having a side hustle to be flexible and available for carpool duties et al, and back to working outside of the home, continuing the side hustle, and always being a mom. And always feeling like I couldn’t do any of it well enough. I think I have been like a lot of women, guilty at work away from home, then at home, guilty for being away from work. It took me far too long to get rid of all of that guilt and I so wish someone had given me a “real talk” about “having it all”!

So, here is what I have learned.

1. There is no real balance in real life.

In life, there are seasons, months, weeks or even just days where our attention is tipped toward one thing or the other. It is always temporary. If you are a mother that works outside of the home, there will be periods of time when you have a work project and feel as if your time and energy is skewed more toward work. Then it’s done, and your energy is focused more on your homelife. It is an ebb and flow. If you are a mom working inside of the home, you may be knee deep in mom duties, and all of the hard work, and diapers, and long days that are involved. That is a wonderful season, although at times may not always feel so wonderful (truth be told!). The falacy that there can be a perfect balance leaves many of us women, and men, thinking we are falling short. When we were starting out, we were not told about the give and take, the ebb and flow that comes with life, the give and take of time and attention. We were not told that it was actually how things work and, especially, that it will all work out in the end.

2. We can have it all. . . Just not all at once.

The sooner we lean this one little thing the better. We definitely can do and be so many things. . . . all in good time. We can be all consumed in a career and reach those goals. We can be totally focused on home life and being our version of “Martha Stewart” - making all the dinner from scratch, hosting friends and family, heading all of the volunteer committees, being the Room Mom, Team Mom, Spirit Mom extraordinaire. . . Of course you can do all of these things. You can be there to read the bedtime stories to your children, hit the gym every morning, start the business you’ve dreamed of and write that book you’ve always dreamed of writing. However, it is really difficult to do all of these wonderful things at the same time. You can do each and every one of these, and even more, in the right times and in the right seasons for you.

3. A full day will not be full of equal parcels of time.

Our days can be full of many things - our family, work, volunteer service, helping others, walking the dog, talking to the owner of the dry cleaners, a load of laundry, checking in with your best friend, taking a bath, reading before bed. . . .so many things create a big and full day. So many things take our attention and energy and this makes us highly dimensional people. Some days I have what feels like a perfect day. You know, those days where you get to do all the things you need to and that you want to. For me, the days that I start the day with my morning time, workout with clients, go to the office and have a great day at work, fit in a walk after work, connect with my family and friends (group texts can be a great thing!), and go to bed tired, but feeling like I touched on all of the things that are important to me and my wellbeing. Those days are like polka dotted unicorns, but you know them when they happen, right?

Typically, we parcel out our time and energy in many ways throughout the days, but these parcels of time can’t be equal, and that makes each day different and interesting. It makes your life full and balanced, even if, on paper or in your head, it looks like it’s all over the place!

Each day may not feel like it is all balanced, in fact, you may have weeks and seasons that feel unbalanced. Life, and all of its happenings, surprises, mountains and valleys, happen. But the beautiful thing is that everything, - the work, the obligations, the fun, the time spent with family, friends, time taking care of you, can all be in harmony with the other.

It’s how you look at it. Rather than thinking it all has to be done all at the same time, and perfectly balanced, just think about viewing it all as one big harmonious life.

Remember,

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

You’ve got this. You can have and do and be and grow - without worrying about being in a perfume commercial.