My List for Keeping the Joy
Oh hey! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve always said I never fill your inbox just to fill it. We have enough of that already. Writing blog posts is something, among a lot of other things, I have not been doing lately. I have the thoughts and stories in my head, but just have not been in writing mode (to be honest). BUT I’ve had this percolating in my head following a comment I received a bit ago,
Someone commented to me that I “seemed to be such a happy person”. Hmmmmm. I took that as a compliment because don’t we all want to be happy? To feel happy? But, to be honest I am like most every other person. And that is human.
I am genuinely a positive person, and not in a toxic positive way. And I’m no longer any good at a fake smile. But in reality, am I happy sitting at the Department of Revenue for over an hour just to be told I will need to come back in three days to be helped? Hardly.
When my little dog poops on my brand new rug? Uh, no.
What about when I’m stuck in traffic, late for a meeting and my green smoothie spills all over me and the car? Take a guess.
We cannot be happy 24 hours a day 7 days a week. But I have worked really, really hard on my attitude, my mindset and building resilience. Sometimes by choice and other times by necessity. It has been a lot of intentional mind shifts, reframes and learning to put and keep things in perspective.
A while back I shared a blog post titled, “It’s Not About Being Happy”. I got some flack for it. I think the naysayers misunderstood the real meaning behind the message. I still stand by the premise that we cannot be happy all of the time. Happiness is a feeling and, as we all know, feelings come and go. But we can be joyful. There’s a big difference. Joy is a state of being, a mindset, a “thing” that you cultivate, hold in your heart and becomes a part of who you are. Joy is there even when things smack you that make you unhappy. Having joy is my goal and being joyful is something I focus on every day.
Years ago I started repeating the phrase, “Don’t let it steal your joy”. I still continue to say it, practice it and sometimes have to force it through gritted teeth.
With work, and over time, I have found that it typically works.
As an aside, you know how you do and say things that you want to teach your children, but you never know if any of it resonates? I’m happy to report that it does.
Recently, one of my sons brought up my telling them “not to let it steal your joy” over an incident. He told me he remembered that and he now thought of that often when dealing with certain things. (yeah!)
As I said, I’ve worked on being and remaining positive. Life is far to short to be unhappy - especially over things that we cannot change or control. Holding onto to frustration, anger and bitterness serves no one and definitely does not help us have our best day. I’m not saying I have this mastered and do it perfectly, but I continue to work on it. There are other things I do regularly to help stay positive and keep the joy in my day and life. (And these are especially important during those times when life throws out a few lemons, or I’m in a funk, or someone works really hard to steal my joy)
I read, listen or consume something inspirational every single day.
This is how my day begins and it is typically a non-negotiable. This is a part of my day I treasure and really look forward to. I also listen to motivational podcasts and/or books. Also, the real people I have in my life are uplifting. Why surround yourself with toxic people who will only bring you down? Basically, surrounding myself with anything that “feeds” me with inspiration and good is massively important.
I smile at people.
I like to smile. I like to give and receive a smile. This sounds so simple, I know. However, you never know if the smile you give is the only one that person will get on a day. And it matters. It is a 100% mood booster.
I exercise (in some form or fashion) and I get outdoors.
Exercise, moving my body, and getting endorphins going is scientifically proven to make one feel good. The same goes for getting outside. Oftentimes I end my day with a walk outside, which combines both. This has become a habit that always make me feel good inside and out and is a great way to shake off any down feelings or funk from the day.
I have learned to say No.
This may sound counter intuitive but let me explain. I have learned to say yes to the things that I know I can help with, am good at, are in my wheelhouse. If it is something that crosses a boundary, is not something that I am going to feel good about, is not going to be beneficial and is going to make me resentful, it is a no. I’ve learned that there are other people out there who are more gifted or are better suited or may be in a better season of life to say yes. That’s okay. It’s okay to say no.
I help others
This is not to say that I am on the list of Top Volunteers. While I do have a couple of meaningful organizations I volunteer with, that’s not what I mean. I mean I am a helper (hello Enneagram 2) which means I like taking someone’s grocery cart back to the entrance. I want to meet with you and listen to what is going on with you. I want to help you fix something. I want to be of service if I have the tools. That fills me up in a big way and brings me joy.
I know what I want and DON’T want.
I know how I want to be and how I want to live. I practice being how I want to be and I practice even more on NOT being certain ways.
I do not want to be a bitter, melancholic, or negative person. I take care not be that person. I do not want to be the stingy, sour old lady. Sometimes it takes being really intentional. It often takes practice and real work. I want to be a joyful, energetic, kind and vital person. Remembering that and keeping that person in the forefront of my thoughts has taken practice but it’s so worth the constant self reminders.
Keep the perspective.
This is basically me kicking myself in the pants when I find myself needing it. Haven’t you been told or told your children that there will always be someone in a better situation and someone in a worse situation? One of my mother’s favorite sayings was, “But for the grace of God there go I.” So, when I find myself doing that comparison thing - that we all know definitely brings unhappiness and steals joy - I try to put things back in perspective.
If I seem like a happy, positive person, this is why. Being born positive isn’t always enough. Sometimes we still have to make a little effort.
This is really a simple list. I know there are other things I weave in and that come and go but these practices are the foundation of what I attempt and work for me.
What about you? How do you stay positive when life doesn’t go your way? What is on your list?
I’d love to hear your thoughts as I think it’s super important to create our own ways to boost mood and create more joy. That’s a beautiful foundation for a full, healthy life.
Live Well!
M-D💚