• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer
Marla Deen

Marla Deen

Finding ways to fit it all in each day . . .being fit, being healthy, enjoying BEING each day !

  • Home
  • Blog
    • Blog Archives
  • About Marla-Deen
  • MD Mats
  • Shop
  • Contact Us
  • Videos
    • Video Bundle #1
  • Login/My Account

Now What?

August 14, 2020 by Marla-Deen Brooks 12 Comments

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

 

 

Bear with me here.  This is not a health and wellness post which is what I normally post here.  So if you aren’t up for a little sappy I don’t want to take up your space and I’d love you to come back another day.


A couple of days ago I closed the door behind me as I came into a very quiet and empty home – except for our two dogs.   Thank goodness for our furry friends! As of last Saturday I am officially an empty nester.  Those two words.  I really wish someone at some point would have thought of something different to call us parents who have finally, after years of early mornings, fights over homework, dirty sports socks, late nights staying up waiting for teens to get home and a gazillion dollars later, taken that last child to their landing spot outside of their home.

Years ago when we took the First Son to move into his college dorm I remember we had those typical fuzzy in the future talks about things far on the horizon.  Those things we would do when we moved our last son out and had time and space and energy to get out and enjoy . . . If you have children, I bet at some time you have had those exact same thoughts and conversations.

Well, this empty home (except for the above mentioned dogs) is another reminder that things don’t always go as planned.  This year, 2020, is a great big, fat reminder that sometimes it does not matter how meticulous you are, how well intentioned, organised and forward thinking, some things just do not follow a plan.

When I got married waaaay back in 1993 in the church I grew up in and started on a shiny new life I had plans.  They were great plans.  That’s what I do – make plans.  I’m one of those folks that while coming home from a vacation begins planning the next one.  I like to have something on the horizon.  I need to have something to look forward to. I think that was one of the hardest things for me to grasp hold of when my marriage began to crack and things began to take a whole other turn.  Then the boys lost their father.  Life took a big pivot and I had to get my footing and learn to go with very short term plans and goals.  Not knowing what was in the future and what lay ahead completely derailed me.  It sent my head spinning in waaayyyy too many directions and kept me up endless hours at night.

At some point, I was told to try to look at this new time as a gift.  A time to adjust, accept, go with the flow and create new plans.  Or let go of crazy planning and be open to new things.   That sounds just a bit flaky for me.  Unfortunately, I am my mother’s daughter.  If you knew her you know she was the queen of control and would easily micromanage the mess out of you.  I am far from the controller and ultra organizer that my mother was, but I do struggle with the unknown.

I’ve had the past year to get to this point.  I knew it was coming and am completely ready for the Third Son to begin his own independence, experiences and time out from under me.   I’m so excited for him and this time in his (and all of my boys’) life.  And believe me, God made them each get to the point of being royal pains in the arses at the appropriate time, so we would all be ready for the move.  There’s a season for everything, right?  And while I could say that my work is done here I know better.   I am not one of the moms who hovers and makes the trip to do a child’s laundry or clean the bathroom, but I do know there are still more mom duties ahead.

However, back to the bigger question of “what now”?  I am trying to re-learn a way to live that does not include a sports calendar or any type of calendar or something big on the horizon.  Right now there just isn’t a next thing.  It is a wide open space.  I think I’m trying to plan on not having a plan. . .

Of all times, this time in our lives is a pretty good time to be in this position.  You may not have a newly empty home, but you may be feeling the same with the fluidity of our current pandemic situation.  Not knowing if your children will be staying in school, moving back to online classes, whether you’ll be teaching seventh grade math (Heaven help you!), whether you will ever go back to your office for work, or your day job at all,  leaves us all in a state of flux with a big question mark on the horizon.

There’s a new season ahead.  While so many things have been turned upside down, there are some things that will keep me grounded during this between time.  So, for now, this is my plan. . . .

Get up every day, put my feet on the floor, connect with my people, be open, and move forward.  In between there are many little things to add each day to make a good day.  For me, that’s exercise, quiet time, getting outside, making time to be creative, work, finding someone to make me laugh every day (you know who you are out there)  and focusing on the day’s experience and trying not to force too many things in the future.

Maybe others will creep in now there is more space and quiet around here.

Sappy post over.

Stay Well!

Marla-Deen Brooks

 

Filed Under: Family, General, General Post, My Stories Tagged With: boy mom, children moving out, college, empty nest, empty nester, family, life events, lifestyle, mindfulness, mindset, mother, pandemic, plan, season, season of life, second half of life, uncertainty, unknown, wellbeing

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Christy Byers says

    August 14, 2020 at 8:59 pm

    Marla Deen, you are a breath of fresh air. I love your honesty and I hope and pray that I do this boy mom thing as well as you have done it. I love your faith and the fact that you embrace your small town childhood. So many people leave it behind when they escape to the city.. One of my favorite movies states that “you can have roots and still have wings.” I believe that to be true. Although, we weren’t friends growing up, I always admired you from afar and every single time that I see you, I feel a sense of home. You are a joy and breath of fresh air. You have gone through many trials over the last few years and you have handled it with such grace. I don’t think that it was by accident that we crossed paths and I pray we do again soon.

    Reply
    • Marla-Deen Brooks says

      August 16, 2020 at 2:30 pm

      I couldn’t agree more! I’ll so miss seeing you and hearing about the latest boy antics and catching up on our hometown connection. I’m so happy you are going with your gut and I can’t wait to see all you’ll be doing with those two little boys!

      Reply
  2. Tom says

    August 14, 2020 at 9:30 pm

    Absolutely fantastic post. Probably gut wrenching to write, but very heartfelt. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Marla-Deen Brooks says

      August 16, 2020 at 2:28 pm

      Thanks, Tom. I appreciate that.

      Reply
  3. Denise Bixler says

    August 14, 2020 at 9:55 pm

    Marla I miss you girl!!! You are such an inspiration to me.❤️

    Reply
    • Marla-Deen Brooks says

      August 16, 2020 at 2:27 pm

      So sad I missed the last trip but it’s time to start planning another so we can all catch up!

      Reply
  4. Mary Katherine Greene says

    August 14, 2020 at 11:25 pm

    Right there with you sister! I think the pandemic has magnified all of the empty space. We don’t know – and kinda doubt – that we will have college football to look forward to – we WILL have endless political ads which tend to portray doom and gloom.
    I like your plan – get up – move your body – love on your dogs and look for the good in each day.
    Sending lots of love your way! And know that while you are physically alone – you are not alone in you feelings. ❤️

    Reply
  5. Claudia Stimmel says

    August 15, 2020 at 6:57 am

    MD
    I love your post and I love your energy. I really hope I see you outside of lovett. To me you were once my neighbor, a proud football mom, a supportive wrestling mom and a person that left me a beautiful note in my mailbox when I lost someone special in my life. So even when you are feeling lonely, you have left marks and memories of your amazing energy in so many hearts. So 2020 might be a year of Reflection, Remembering, and Readiness for Reality. Thank you for being YOU!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
    • Marla-Deen Brooks says

      August 16, 2020 at 2:26 pm

      Thank you Claudia – and I look forward to seeing you too – even if I’m not cheering on my own boy. I’m looking forward to following yours!

      Reply
  6. Drew Regan says

    August 16, 2020 at 8:16 pm

    Hey MD! Yeah, I get it – didn’t care to read until I realized he was your last – but such an awesome expression you wrote of how you feel/felt. When I dropped Andrew off in 2014, and he drove me to my pick up spot to go back home – gave him a last hug and I had tears in my eyes – and Andrew was puzzled when he saw! My sadness was not for me, but for him – but not sadness, happiness! Because he was gonna meet some fabulous people, LIKE DEEN, – but he didn’t know it at the time. End of the story – “What now?” – play on sista! Be happy! You’ll figure it out – just get on with it. I’m sure you have some marvelous friends who will keep you going, and for sure, you’re NOT lacking in personality – just like…..Deen??? But you’re gonna be just fine – I swear! Take what comes my friend – you’ll figure it out. Best to you MD!
    Drew

    Reply
  7. Marla-Deen Brooks says

    August 17, 2020 at 12:47 pm

    Thanks Drew! That made me laugh. And you mean you weren’t going to read just because it’s something I wrote?? Hope you are well! Love hearing from you.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Footer

Subscribe

* = required field

powered by MailChimp!
Privacy Policy

Photographer: Deborah Celecia Wagoner – www.dcw-photo.com

Search

© Copyright 2018-2021 · All Rights Reserved · Website by TecAdvocates

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.