I woke up this morning wishing I could talk to my mom. I know she can’t fix any of my problems but I know she would listen and empathize and somehow make me feel better. Since losing my mom I’ve leaned on some wonderful friends for an ear and advice. Sometimes, though, I don’t want to bother them
If you’ve been around this site for any time you know that I have three boys. Two of the three have surpassed me in size, height and weight. The third will likely surpass me in those three areas by this time next week. They are also fairly self sufficient so do not need me for the day to day duties like when they were younger. It is truly amazing that they can actually walk and talk and dress themselves without me and my opinions, right? However, last night I was reminded that regardless of how large we get and how old we grow, sometimes we just need our moms.
I awoke last night to the Second Son towering above me. He had gotten sick in the night and woke to let me know. As always, I jumped right out of bed and did my best to administer my nursing skills to try to make him feel better. There’s not much I could do – he’s too big for me to crawl into the bed with him like I would have done when he was a little boy.
Later, when I climbed back into bed, I felt an overwhelming sadness. I so appreciated being a mom and being able to be there when one of the boys wants or needs me. It made me realize that all during our lives, there are moments when we just need our moms. It also made me realize how much I miss my mom. It also made me so sad for those who don’t have moms or who have recently lost their moms. Since I lost my mother last April there have been many times that I have wanted to share with her and times I needed to talk to her and ask for advice. And, of course, when you are sick, you just want to tell your mom.
My mom used to talk about this very thing regarding her own mother, my grandmother. My grandmother became very ill and I remember my mom telling me how my grandmother would ask for her mother during her illness. My own mom did the very same thing during the last days before her death. She spoke of her own mother and wishing she were there. I know that my grandmother, whom I called Bigmama, would have given her right arm to sit with her daughter and pull all her motherly strings to make her feel better. That’s just the way it is.
When I became an adult – not really sure when that was since I feel still like an adolescent at times! But when I had children of my own, I tried not to worry my mother with little stuff. It really didn’t go over very well though. The minute I said one word over the phone she would immediately know if something wasn’t just right. It’s as if she had a sixth sense to the teeniest bit of hoarseness in my voice or somehow she could see that I had a little vertigo from a visit from my Meniere’s Disease. It was really uncanny how she could pick up on any and everything! But I would be lying if I wasn’t just a little bit relieved that she did know so that I could hear her care and concern and listen to her advice on getting rest and slowing down, even if I didn’t actually follow that advice. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about here.
Lately, I see this pattern repeating itself. When I talk to the First Son from his college dorm and hear his voice I know immediately when he’s under the weather. Then I put on my mom hat and offer my well meaning advice on eating well, hydrating and resting. I have also been on the receiving end of the phone calls asking for advice for this or that ailment or injury. So, I may not hear from this away from home son for days or a week on end, but do get the call when things aren’t just right. Because, sometimes you just want your mom.
Sometimes you just want your mom even if you aren’t sick. Not too long ago, I had a birthday. It wasn’t an earth shattering birthday but it was a birthday no less. Living in a house of all boys, my expectations have become pretty low. I know my birthdate was not at the top of their radar, but I wasn’t prepared to have the entire morning go without a single word or at least high five. When I say I got nothing, I’m telling you I got NO THING. I was up making pancakes and no one even thought about the day. Oh well. But about lunchtime that’s when it hit me. On your birthday, you know there is one person who will remember your special day. You can always count on your mom to remember the day she gave birth and normally on such a day, she’ll pick up the phone, send a card or see you in person. I wasn’t really prepared how hard my birthday would hit me as a day I would miss my mom. It really took me by surprise. So, I tell this to let anyone out there who may be new at this missing your mom thing, be prepared for your birthday. It might be a doozy.
Whether you aren’t feeling well, whether you have news to share or whether it might be a special day or just an ordinary day that you want to share, sometimes you just need your mom. And that’s okay. Relish in that need and want. It is so appreciated and loved. And, maybe, one day you can be the mom needed and wanted. That’s just how it is.
Who do you call when you are sick? When do you want or need your mom? And do you take or just ignore her advice? Have you ever had your birthday forgotten? How’d that go over?
Enjoy your Day!